Elders Of The Internet allows limited version of Google’s travel ban to take effect

Former FBI Director James Comey arguing a case in front of the Elders of the Internet c. 2011

In a 9-0 ruling by the Elders of the Internet, the highest judicial court of the Internet, have agreed on Monday to allow a limited version of Google’s travel ban on GTalk to take affect.

Sundar Pichai has called the ruling, “a great victory for No Choice supporters.”

“The Internet is just a series of tubes and pipes,” he continued. “At Google we feel that the new turny and twisty set of tubes will be much more fun for users to twist and bend through.”

Elders Al Gore and Zombie Reagan preferred to have the full ban of all users except those coming from Google Hangouts to take effect immediately and objected to the council’s “compromise”.

One user experience engineer at Google, who wished to remain anonymous, informed Near News Today that users should appreciate the, “… new Playskool feel to the design of Google Hangouts…” The engineer further went to defend the user interface by out that, “… business are continually looking for better and more efficient ways to demean their employees by adopting enterprise software layouts from preschool software engineers.”

For those who still have concerns Near News Today has tried out the new created this review of the comparisons.

GTalk inside Gmail:

Pros: GTalk is located in your email client’s main screen allowing end users to one convenient tab for all their internet communication needs.

Cons: Messages will continuously pop up over emails while users attempt to write email messages; infuriating them to the point that they leave group chats or block, sometimes violently, their work collaborators, furious over the constant bombardment of incoming chat messages interrupting your concentration while trying to write an email to Bob, you lawyer, covering your bitter divorce, separation of assets she’s never worked a day in her life to pay for just to fly off to Miami with that your best friend as well as the custody battle for your children that you’ve lost your love for because they remind you of your bitch of an exwife.


Pros: Easy readability due to the increased space allocated to each chat window as well as keeping all of the same great features of GTalk.

Cons: There are basically no additional cons other than the fact that you’ll be relegated to keeping one tab open exclusively for Google Hangouts.

What are you concerns with the retirement of GTalk inside Gmail? Let’s see your comments below with your pros and cons about these changes.

First Victory Since Turn Of Millennia, New AMD Processors Rival Intel, Refocuses On CPU Market

Depending on reports one, two or three women and possibly one male, while visiting the tomb of AMD, discovered the entrance stone has been rolled away and the festering necrotic corpse that lay inside was absent.

Accounts from twelve dudes further indicate that the zombied semiconductor manufacturer has once again risen from the grave with  the release of its Ryzen series central processing units. Marketed as having a 4% lead on Intel’s more advanced processors, the marginal lead is highighlighted compared to the pricing differences. The slightly faster AMD CPUs are priced at up to a third competing processors released by AMD competitor He Who Should Not Be Named, Intel, Dark Lord of the Sith.

Recapping AMD’s utter defeat to Intel during the turn of the century, AMD’s utter defeat to nVidia through its acquisition of ATI, AMD’s utter defeat to embedded system on chip designer ARM, etc… of course no one has been crucified more than AMD and Intel competitor Cyrix.

With Huge Lead: Sprint Dominating Last Place

Sprint is dominating 4th place in a recent a United States regional comparison of LTE availability, published by Open Signal Maps. Sprint is dominating the 4th cellular carrier position by offering half the coverage than the third place contender, AT&T.

Number two provider, T-Mobile, continues to provide better LTE availability than all other carriers, except for Verizon, while offering better LTE speeds than Verizon, if you live on the wrong coast. Verizon still offers the best LTE available and LTE speeds in all other areas, as reported by the analysis.

For those who live outside the LTE availability of Verizon may benefit from T-Mobile’s faster 3G HSPA+ network speeds.

Verizon is now offering unlimited cellular data plans, again. If you were grand mothered and haven’t been able to upgrade your phones without risking losing your unlimited plan you may want to revisit your Verizon plan.
In other news Google-Fi continues to lose their user base as more and more of users are realizing that the T-Mobile + Sprint < T-Mobile equation indicates that the Sprint variable is less than 0.

Executive Order 8: Google Now Launcher To Be Removed From Play Store

In a stunning display of power Reigning President Donald Trump has signed in to law Executive Order 13772 requiring Google to cease development of the popular Google Now Launcher. A statement was released by Google expressing their “deep concerns” about the decision but went on to assuage consumer fears stating,

“… while deeply troubling, President Supreme Trump’s decision will allow [Google] to focus  efforts on their Search Launcher as an alternative for the American ‘People’…”

Later today Near News Today will cover a potential Executive Order to establish an Electoral Junior College in what the White House hopes will be,

“… a bridge between Corporate America and the undereducated youth of America…”